Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
