so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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