the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
