I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
