Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
