I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
