is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
