Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
