This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
