I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
