Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
