FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
