I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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