nut hugger
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
