he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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