if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We are all done wearing pants today
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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