Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
His hands were made for my vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
