cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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