ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
