My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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