Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
