I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
