Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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