We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
