So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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