I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
