I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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