You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
