Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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