what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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