Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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