i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
