Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
