I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
