Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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