No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
