I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
