I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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