I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's shark week go big or go home
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
