ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
