1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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