Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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