So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it's like iHOP with fire
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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