we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
