Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I love you.
Bad choice
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
