allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
