you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
