I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
