Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
