i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
